I bet he comes in French.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
