He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
