Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
