all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
