I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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