mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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