shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
