If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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