If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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