Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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