Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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