i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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