just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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