How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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