I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
