Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
