taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
