I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
