yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
