You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I deserve this hangover.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
