When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
