Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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