Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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