i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
