is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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