This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
