Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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