the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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