I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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