My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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