It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
