umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize