i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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