You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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