Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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