You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
