Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
