I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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