he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
