if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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