my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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