Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
being pregnant is like rehab
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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