are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
