there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
