Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
