Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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