Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
