every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
