watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
