duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
