I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
