Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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