So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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