why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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