So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
