So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
