Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
