Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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