he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
