Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
