whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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