I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
