At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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