i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
