All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
