my phone needs a breathalizer
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
