We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize