Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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