dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
