I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
