I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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