After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
