You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize