note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
