I'm going to jail i love you
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
