My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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