dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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