just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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