does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize