i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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