i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
