That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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