I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
