He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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