i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
