my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I party with great urgency now.
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