nut hugger
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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