haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
