So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
