Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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